I have been fascinated by how my kids interact and play with their friends and how they can immerse themselves in their imaginary world. It is a world they construct together and keep finetuning during their play. This temporary fictional world lives only in their imagination, which is the backdrop for the scenes they act out. It is built on some agreements they make – agreements that match their shared vision of how they will have fun together.

My oldest son is a master at coming up with all kinds of rules that build the framework for the imaginary sub-reality of their game. My youngest one, luckily, loves to be presented with a bunch of ways in which he can join in playing together.

Whenever I see them agreeing on how they will play together – especially when they have a couple of friends over – it always strikes me how easily and intuitively they can join into an imaginary game with everyone happily buying into a set of co-created rules. And this set of rules is bent, broken and reimagined while playing to bring out the most fun until it is played out.

Watching this intuitive approach to playing together makes me ruminate about how we’ve lost our inner child when we work together as adults. We are concerned about our personal or professional goals, our professional image, being taken seriously, and being smart and adequate when discussing approaches and strategies. “Play” is often crowded out by “efficiency”. The fun is taken out of it.

The most obvious and simple example of taking the fun out of it is when I see facilitators state the ground rules at the beginning of a workshop, trying to tackle participants’ lack of engagement at the get-go. If I bring it back to watching my oldest son suggesting rules of play to his friends, it would be similar to him telling his friends, “Welcome to my house, everyone. I know you don’t want to be here, and you have a lot of other stuff to do that seems way more important. I want to avoid some of you taking your bikes and riding back home or to some other friend’s house. So, I’ll just lay out for you what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior, so we can be creative and playful together. If you decide to join this game with me (and honestly, you don’t have a choice anymore now that you’re here, or I’ll tell my mom, who will tell your mom), you will stick to these rules. And after we have agreed to these rules, we will have a lot of fun playing together.”

Ground rules, rules of engagement, workshop principles, yada yada yada yada …

“Let’s agree we give each other enough space to speak out and really listen to what the other is saying. It is also very important that we agree we will be present, so please let’s drop any other means of communication and focus on the workshop. We should also agree we think about the larger picture, not the details. Equally important, don’t judge each other’s opinions and don’t question the process; trust it. We should also agree that there is a “parking lot” for suggestions that are not relevant at a given moment and should be expressed at another time or another meeting. Last, but certainly not least, let’s agree this is a safe space, so everyone should feel free and comfortable to speak out. This is a rule.”

When I hear this (slightly exaggerated) kind of recitation of ground rules by a facilitator, my inner child turns into a rebel looking to reinstate the lost fun. He wants to break the rules.

Not that I am not in favor of concepts like “safe space”, “parking lot”, “donut rule”, or a “one-minute of sharing rule”. These and other concepts have proven useful when a team invented them together in a way where everyone felt they would make the workshop more enjoyable and fun.

But when these concepts are brought into the workshop to control undesired behavior and force-fit people into co-creation, I immediately think about the fun my sons have when playing imaginary games with their friends by inventing the rules together and how this controlling approach would make everyone want to run to their bikes to escape.

The playbook

Instead of ground rules or principles, I prefer the word “playbook”. The playbook can suggest some ways to collaborate, but it is up for (re)interpretation, can be changed, is fluid and never finished. It should help organize and stimulate “playfulness”, which means not getting too attached to ideas and allowing for surprises. In other words, the playbook helps us enjoy cognitive flexibility together.

Cognitive flexibility is the ability to appropriately and efficiently adjust one’s behavior according to a changing environment.

I would like to use the term “cognitive flexibility” to refer to our ability to switch perspectives, consider different interpretations, and rewind and fast-forward in conversation. In other words, accepting there is no one truth: there are only thoughts being made conscious individually and collectively. A playbook should help us with flexibility. It should help us find an enjoyable and comfortable way to step out of our rigid rational thinking when co-creating.

When you enforce ground rules, you often stimulate top-down, rigid ways of thinking. However, laying out the playbook together can kickstart a moment of enjoyable and playful co-creation.

Examples of playbook practices

It is not really a book. It is not written in stone. It doesn’t have to be written at all. A playbook is a framework for your play, aka co-creation.

Imagine you are about to get into an explorative and interesting moment of interaction with your peers. You all own this moment, though the facilitator is the architect, the guardian of the shared purpose and the sole owner of time (sometimes assisted by the timekeeper). The architect may suggest some interesting ways to collaborate that might match your program, but your group has the final say on whether this will be your framework for collaborating. You can hold each other responsible for sticking to the playbook, and you can suggest adaptations to the playbook as you experience the playbook “in play”.

These are playbook concepts I have practiced together with co-creators in the past. They are meant to inspire, not direct. When considering applying them in your playbook, rethink them to match your specific moment of co-creation and open them up to your participants so they can rethink them as well to match their vision of enjoyable co-creation.

Give me a minute

What if we agree that any participant can ask for a minute at any time?

Because it can happen: you might need some time to gather your thoughts before talking about something, or you might need some time to digest a conversation. Basically, you might need a quiet moment to process.

On our radar

What if we agree to create a space where we can store a thought, an idea or a question with a clear intention of picking it up later? We can even create several spaces: one for items to be picked up during the workshop; one for items to be picked up after the workshop; one for items that need outside-in expert input; one for items that are so far from our current way of thinking or cultural reality we still need to define our intention for them.

Because when thoughts are not immediately addressed, we want to make sure we don’t lose them. Thoughts might not be immediately addressed because they might make good sense in a future conversation, but sometimes we are concerned about expressing thoughts so provocative we’re not sure it’s safe to express them. Let’s have a space so that they can be expressed and reviewed when we have the headspace for them.

Hold the press

What if we each have a pause button to bring the conversation to a stop because we feel we have a breakthrough to express? It can disrupt the flow of conversation, so let’s maybe limit the number of showstoppers we can apply.

Because we are sometimes so polite that we don’t dare disrupt the flow of conversation, and before we know it, the “moment” is gone. We all have different personalities; while some of us love to kickstart and fuel conversation, others can be more deliberative. Once we are warmed up, it is a running train. “Hold the press” gives everyone access to the emergency brake.

Compass call / Purpose reminder

What if we can signal our need to know where we are going whenever we feel lost? A need to understand again why we are doing this activity or what the overall reason is for spending time together. It is our fuel tank signaling we are out of emotional fuel and need some refilling of meaning and purpose so we can hit the road again.

Because we know we can get so deep into conversation that we lose track of the objectives. We actually want to get lost at times, exploring new perspectives and possibilities, so let’s leave some crumbs or tie a rope to the barn so we can find our way back home. The facilitator can be the rope. When signaled, the facilitator can remind everyone of the purpose and link it to the activity.

Lifeline

What if we can get a hint when we get stuck? A trigger question that leads us in a different direction. A suggestion that helps us think about the topic differently.

Because our conversations can get stuck, as if we are solving an escape room together. We need something or someone to reveal our blind spots, to help us look at things differently. The facilitator can be the voice from above – who sends us a “lifeline” – when called upon.

Can you strip it? / Can I help you strip it?

What if we can ask each other to strip something down to its essential message so we can absorb it into our thinking and conversation without offending anyone or making them feel they should talk less?

Because we often start talking while thinking and try to make sense of what we are saying by using a lot of detours. This is perfectly fine, but time should stay on our side, so we need to understand the essence of the contribution as quickly as possible to be able to work with it. Asking someone to “strip it” or offering to help someone strip it to its essence can keep us connected to each other’s thoughts.

Cap’s recap

What if we put care and attention into consolidation by helping each other recap conclusions and decisions at the end of each “chapter”?

Because we don’t always dare to say that we didn’t get it while all the others seemingly got it, we don’t want to delay things, or we are just disconnected from the conversation for some reason. If we all step in from time to time and volunteer to recap what has just been said, we will not only own every decision made together, but we can also test whether we understood the same thing. It can help us stay on the same page.

Pitch perfect

What if we agree that each time we break out, we organize ourselves as a team to bring the content created during the breakout back into the larger group? It becomes a natural part of our way of working to decide who will present and how.

Because we can get so busy in an activity, no one is prepared to voice the output back during a plenary moment. The breakout team is typically asked to share their findings, followed by silence and hesitation, or one person picking up the presenter’s hat and only presenting their personal view on the output.

These are just a few examples showing how you can be creative with the playbook. In our Prepare for Success course, we dig more deeply into all kinds of possibilities.

The aim of a playbook

The aim of a playbook is to enable and even empower people with a playful framework to manage their own conversations – to have the ability to make collaboration more enjoyable and to personalize the workshop to match the personalities in the space. As explained in a previous article, Never trust the process, it is always a good idea to avoid turning ground rules into a fixed formula because doing so might have the opposite effect.

If you’d like to turn up the fun in co-creation, you can also agree on signals for your playbook concepts. All video platforms have icons for reactions, even stickers and emojis. By giving some of these a new meaning in your workshop, your participants don’t even have to use their voices to signal the use of agreed practices. It helps you, as a facilitator, to notice it more quickly. Some facilitators use the chat for this purpose, but I personally feel the chat can become so cluttered you can easily miss it. Assigning signals can be so much more fun. For example, give another meaning to the ‘thumbs up’ by agreeing if you click on this icon you are signaling to the group that you like the idea or question but need a minute to process it.

If it is the right environment to do so, you can even assign certain animal sounds to indicate a practice from the playbook, made by your participants. Depending on your audience, it might bring the team closer together, but it can also disconnect them from the workshop if they experience embarrassment. Keep your participants in mind when suggesting practices – and/or signals and sounds – for the playbook.

A playbook is meant to enable and empower, and make a workshop more enjoyable, playful and fun.

What does a playbook look like, and how to introduce it?

I would not recommend writing a list of suggested playbook practices for a workshop. It will take too much time to introduce and feel over-engineered. Instead, use visuals, icons or sketches to show suggested practices. You can also write each practice on a post-it so you can have the team suggest new practices themselves on post-its or cluster similar practices into one concept. Keep it light and explain it to them verbally and visually.

Avoid sending playbooks upfront. Written-out playbooks as a pre-read take all the fun out of them! As a pre-read, the participants don’t have the chance to immediately respond and co-create these practices, and they will be interpreted completely out of context. Instead, embed them in your workshop, potentially as part of your kick-off session. It is a perfect activity as part of an online kick-off, even if the following workshop sessions happen offline. It will create curiosity about future collaboration among your participants and bring them together as a team, owning their co-creative moment.

In sum …

Enforcing ground rules usually comes from a place of fear. Fear that the participants won’t behave as they should and run amok during your workshop. Fear doesn’t fit the concept of servant leadership – the kind of leadership a facilitator practices.

Your participants own the workshop’s content, so they should decide the most enjoyable or suitable way to co-create it. A playbook, in the end, is owned by them; you are merely applying it, even though you might have suggested more than half of the practices. If your suggestions don’t resonate with them, they need to be dropped.

A playbook is unique for each workshop constellation. It is a signature of each collective formed for co-creation. It should be consistent with your group’s personalities because its purpose is to enable and empower them in co-creation and make their time and work together more enjoyable.

Next time you think about suggestions for the playbook during your workshop preparation, try to keep the personalities and team culture in mind. Be creative about how you could help them connect and build on each other. These suggested practices should help them with their cognitive flexibility in a fun way.

And if you get stuck? Remember when you played with your friends as a young child, like my son. Remember how you made up the rules – together.

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Happy Captaineering,

Alwin

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