“Fake it ‘till you make it” is often used in the context of pushing ourselves outside our comfort zones to achieve a new version of ourselves. The same mechanic also applies when we want to slow down and relax in a stressful situation. This occurred to me when I dug deep into the theory and practice behind breathwork.

At first, I struggled with getting my head around the science and techniques of breathwork, but after a while, I realized it all came down to this simple idea:

If my mind can trick my body into believing there is a threat whenever something stresses me out, then I should also be able to use my body to trick my mind into a relaxed response by “faking” a relaxed state.

To me, this is exactly what breathwork does: it triggers a relaxed - or a excited state - by mimicking the breathing pattern of that state.

Thinking can easily induce negative emotions

When we get into a stressed state, our thinking about the situation often triggers emotions, which fuels our thinking even more. Before we know it, we can get rather agitated.

It can be much harder to think ourselves out of a stressed state and back into a relaxed state. Happy thoughts don’t seem to cut it once the emotions of agitation or anger kick in. Something else is necessary before thinking can have an effect on turning emotions around.

Our body – and more specifically, our breathing - can help us shift our negative emotions

The key to changing the state of our bodies when cortisol and adrenaline are triggering our “fight or flight” response is breathwork. Breathwork is getting to the core of our autonomic nervous system and showing us the way back to a more balanced state.

When stressed out, we breathe shallowly, our heart races, and we may experience flustering out of agitation. In this state, changing our thoughts to happy, positive thoughts won’t have much effect.

We first need to change our bodies’ state, and then our minds can follow.

Change your breathing pattern to match the breathing pattern of a relaxed state, and the rest will follow. It may be helpful to think of it this way: when your mind tricks your body into survival mode, you need to trick your body back into a relaxed mode before you can change your mind.

Breathwork, calming the mind and facilitation

Breathwork can really raise your game as a facilitator, especially when things get rough. The impact of your facilitation efforts depends 100% on your state.

Managing your state is at the core of successful facilitation.

People are smart, and unconsciously so. They pick up on your vibe by experiencing your non-verbal cues, even before you (and they) know it. They assess the states of others, and particularly yours, the facilitator, at lightning speed. If they sense you are in a stressed state, it will be hard for them to trust you in a leadership role at a workshop or gathering. You won’t be able to fool them by trying to keep your cool.

Secondly, when you are triggered, you won’t be able to read their cues as clearly as you normally would. You may struggle with reading whether or not they feel safe in your space. In survival mode, you typically see the world from survival. This means that your focus gravitates to potential threats. You may become more analytical and less creative, intuitive or empathic. An overly analytical mindset as a facilitator can easily lead to judgement. You might think thoughts like “Why aren’t they doing what I asked them to do?” or “How come they don’t get these simple instructions?” or “Is this all the creativity they can bring to the table?”

Once you become judgmental, you lose touch with the group, and things get worse.

Managing your state means you can easily switch back to a relaxed state whenever any feelings of worry or stress are triggered. It is your capacity to switch from fight or flight to rest and digest, from stepping on the gas to stepping on the brake, from a sympathetic response in your autonomic nervous system to a parasympathetic response. When you switch on the parasympathetic part of the autonomic nervous system, your vagus nerve causes the release of acetylcholine. This neurotransmitter slows down your heart rate and helps with memory, learning and sustaining focus. Some say it even helps with feeling empathy and compassion for others, which doesn’t come as a surprise, as a calm and relaxed state is the ideal state to open up for social connection.

A concrete example

Imagine you are facilitating and one of your participants questions your approach or is critical.

You may feel stress in your stomach area. Cortisol is released. Your heart rate increases. Your breathing becomes shallow. Your blood pressure rises as your blood vessels contract. You are thrown off balance. Faster breathing causes lower CO2 levels and less oxygenation in your body and brain. You can’t think clearly anymore.

At this moment, you remember that changing your thinking into happy thoughts won’t be enough to get a grip. You need to first work on the state of your body.

You mimic the breathing of a relaxed state, slowing down your inhale to 4 counts, extending your exhale to 6 or even 8 counts.

The parasympathetic part of your autonomic nervous system becomes activated, your vagus nerve is activated, acetylcholine is released, your blood vessels dilate, your heart rate slows down, oxygenation increases - and you don’t feel as threatened anymore.

Now it is time to change your thinking because your body allows you to.

You shift gears in your perception and generate genuine, appreciative thoughts about this person’s intention to point out some important risks to consider.

You listen more deeply, which is easier now because your focus is supported by the release of acetylcholine. Your intuition works better because of the activation of your vagus nerve, connecting your brain and gut.

And now? Now the veil is lifted. You are able to read between the lines; you understand the real concerns behind the expressions of this participant. And being in a more relaxed, creative state allows multiple responses to emerge. Responses and approaches that will put this person at ease and keep this person engaged in the workshop. You don’t feed the fears but say the right things to defuse and even leverage the situation for the better for everyone.

Here’s more on the subject in a interview between Julie Harris and Alwin Put.

Breathing consciously can turn situations into opportunities for a facilitator.

A final note – about your nose!

Part of conscious breathing also means remembering to breathe in through your nose. This will allow you to breathe at a slower rate. It keeps your body in a balanced state called homeostasis. It will also generate nitric oxide in the nasal airways, which dilates your blood vessels and prevents brain fog.

Breathing through your nose throughout facilitation forces you to take enough pauses when talking. You will speak and breathe more slowly, making you more resilient to your stress responses. In other words, your sympathetic nervous system won’t be triggered as easily; you will have more control over “the switch” between the gas and the brake.

Being conscious of the way you breathe is probably the most accessible and effective way to manage your nervous system and state. It has benefits for everything you do in life, especially when you are asked to help people co-create, to get the best out of their moment together. It is a privilege to be a facilitator - for which conscious breathing is an absolute must.

You can only manage a safe space if you can manage your own state first.

If you are interested in learning more about breathing techniques that can improve your facilitation efforts, check out our  ‘Manage your state’ training in June 2023.

Happy Captaineering is happy breathing,

Alwin

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